2/26 Puns

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" wrote in message
> @pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> >
> > > On 19 Mar 2004 00:18:22 -0800, bagelncreamcheese@hotmail.com (meat
n
> > > potatoes) found these unused words floating about:
> > >
> > > >Tim Bruening wrote in message
> news:...
> > > >> Damnation: A country of mother deers.
> > > >>
> > > >> Damnation: A country dependent on hydroelectricity.
> > > >
> > > >Fascination.
> > > ... Thailand.
> >
> > Thailand: Neckwear country.
>
> Moravia: Country where people shout and scream a lot.

Screaming: Chinese vase with loud ice cream.

Archived from group: mn>humor

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" wrote in message
> @pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> >
> > > On 19 Mar 2004 00:18:22 -0800, bagelncreamcheese@hotmail.com (meat
n
> > > potatoes) found these unused words floating about:
> > >
> > > >Tim Bruening wrote in message
> news:...
> > > >> Damnation: A country of mother deers.
> > > >>
> > > >> Damnation: A country dependent on hydroelectricity.
> > > >
> > > >Fascination.
> > > ... Thailand.
> >
> > Thailand: Neckwear country.
>
> Moravia: Country where people shout and scream a lot.

Screaming: Chinese vase with loud ice cream.

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

"Cybe R. Wizard" wrote:

> On Thu, 28 Apr 2005 11:22:08 -0700
> "Jenni Saqua" wrote:
>
> > "Cybe R. Wizard" ...
> > > "Jenni Saqua" :
> > >> "Dr Tormento" ...
> > >> > Sheila Dundee:
> > >> >> Dr Tormento wrote:
> > >> >>> "Jenni Saqua"
> > >> >>>>"Buffalo Chilkat" ...
> > >> >>
> > >> >>>>>The farmer thought that he did not have enough land to feed
> > >his > >>>>>growing family, so he furrowed his brow.
> > >> >>
> > >> >>>>Even though young, he was worried about his re-seeding heir
> > >> >line... >
> > >> >>> Who cropped the farming thread?
> > >> >>
> > >> >> I think I've tractor down, the naughty sow and sow!
> > >> >
> > >> > Tell her resistance is fertile.
> > >> >
> > >> lol!
> > >> Well, ya know... there's no tilling her anything!
> > >>
> > > She's too plowed to listen?
> > >
> > It seems ever since she tossed Herb aside there's been no getting
> > through to her...
> >
> It's OK, she's just pre-emergent. With a little cultivating weed be
> surprised at her new growth.

Weed: A plant that makes one urinate.

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

artyw2@yahoo.com wrote:

> Nemo:
>
> >A kid told his mum he wanted a very expensive >watch for his birthday,
> so she
> >knitted him a nice Bulover!
>
> For her Seiko, I hope he appreciated it. (And it would show that he is
> a good Citizen)

Chrono: An order to a crow to not do something.

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

Shashank wrote:

> J. A. Mc. wrote:
>

> > 'S where I leaned you get your jest desserts. Lunched me on my
> career'ng.
>
> Good for you! Good offings is the best tiffins.

Tiffin: Fish argument.

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

nemo wrote:

> Milton J. Smuthworthy, I wrote in
message
> $0$5638$45beb828@newscene.com...
> >
> > So then, quick as a flash, "nemo" shoots back:
> > >
> > >(WW1 British troops made Hinky Dinky up, but since when do we have
to be
> > >accurate when insulting the French?!)
> >
> > I see no good reason at all!
> >
> > Reminds me of that WWII Japanese song, "She ain't got no yo-yo."
> >
> Neither had Billy Cotton. But his song got banned! It's track 1 on
"Listen
> to the Banned" ASV CD AJA 5030 and Manny Moore to name butter phew.
Wellll -
> somebody left it out of the fridge!

Cotton: Heavy fabric.

Cotton: Heavy bed.

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening wrote in message
> @pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Bucker: $1 dog.
> >
> > Convertible: Bull that changes.
> >
> > Convertable: Table that changes.
> >
> > Currency: Ocean of money.
> >
> > Euro: Not my row.
>
> It's ours though!
>
> Common Market: All the stallholders are Cockneys.

Including a Common Tator and a Dick Tator?

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening wrote in message
> @pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "Elisabeth Müller" wrote:
> >
> > > On Mon, 22 Mar 2004 23:25:08 GMT, Keith E. wrote:
> > >
> > > >I can pop a nut with a five second freebie
> > >
> > > Does it hurt much?
> >
> > Freebie: Bee out of jail.
> >
> Was it in Solly Tory Confinement?

Solly Tory: British Conservative locked up alone?

ELF: Legendary humanoid terrorist group.

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening wrote in message
> @pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening wrote in message
> > > @pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > mike wheeEler wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > In article ,
> > > > > > tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at
the
> world
> > > oddly when:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >Conversion: A variant of criminal.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > Conversion.. Air freshener ions emitted by old Converse
tennis
> shoes..
> > > > >
> > > > > Micro: Not your crow.
> > > >
> > > > Decibel: One tenth of a bell.
> > >
> > > That's right, except it's Bel, hence the abbrevaition dB.
> > >
> > > It could be one tenth of the Babylonian god of the earth but
that'd be
> too
> > > silly!
> > >
> > > Oh, I don't know though.
> >
> > Acidosis: Sister of an acid female deer.
> >
> > Armada: Father of a fleet of battle ships.
>
> Sir Francis Drake to Phillip II: Armada than you, sunshine!!

Mumble: Silent female bovines with kids.

Sentence: 10 pennies in jail.

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

"Frank A. Rosenbaum" wrote:

> "nemo" wrote in message
> $Bk6.2112@fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> >
> > Frank A. Rosenbaum wrote in message
> > @corp.supernews.com...
> >>
> >> "J. A. Mc." wrote in message
> >> @4ax.com...
> >> > On Tue, 02 Nov 2004 08:39:29 -0600, Dr Tormento

> > found
> >> > these unused words floating about:
> >> >
> >> >>"Michael Balarama" wrote in
> >> >>@corp.supernews.com:
> >> >>
> >> >>> I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman
> >> >>> behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her
> >> >>> uniform.
> >> >>>
> >> >>> "I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you
> >> >>> supposed to be?" I asked.
> >> >>>
> >> >>> The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed."
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >> Is this funny? Depends.
> >> >
> >> > Timmette has a Bounty of these ...
> >>
> >> Yeah, he's a real Brawny lad.
> >>
> > He's responsible for the dreaded yEnc too???
> >
>
> I had an Enc-ing feeling you would decode my message.

Decode: Secret demon.

Decold: Chilly demon.

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

Greg Evans wrote:

> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > On Wed, 3 Nov 2004 06:30:51 -0500, "Frank A. Rosenbaum"
> >> "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote
> >> in
> >>> Then "Frank A. Rosenbaum" says:
> >>>> "Greg Evans" wrote in message
> >>>> @uni-berlin.de...
> >>>>> Frank A. Rosenbaum wrote:
> >>>>>> "nemo" wrote in message
> >>>>>>> Tim Bruening wrote in message
> >>>>
> >>>>>>>> Why did the man take a pencil to bed?
> >>>>>>>> To draw the curtains.
> >>>>>>> If he had though himself to actually be the curtains, he
> >>>>>>> should
> >>>>>>> have pulled himself together!
> >>>>>> He did, but he draped himself over the bed. By the way, the
> >>>>>> mans
> >>>>>> name is Rod.
> >>>>> Did it comforter him to do that, or was it a result of some sort
> >>>>> of ambi-valence about his purpose in life?
> >>>> Well, Sheet, Greg, Ya gotta ask Rod. I was blind when he did it.
> >>>> Don't forget to take your pill, Oh, also don't forget your
> >>>> inhaler
> >>>> either.
> >>> Do you two have a room? I'm hearing shades of a one nightstand.
> >> No, we don't. He wanted to roller in the hay, but I told him that I
> >> wasn't pulled that way.
> >
> > You prefer feathers ... ???
>
> Not sure I'm willing to take that thought any feather.... Call it a
> draw?

Pillow: Medicine on the ground.

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening wrote in message
> @pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Colleen sat on Max's pet rat and squashed it.
> > >
> > > The doc managed to resuscitate it with his thumb. Somebody said at
> > least he
> > > didn't have to use mouth to mouth - and Sally chimed in: "Or mouse to
> > > mouse!"
> >
> > Mouse to mouse: How to revive a computer.
> >
> Rhesus Itation: How to revive a bloody monkey!

Isn't that messy?

Messy: Dirty ocean.

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening wrote in message
> @pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Megabytes: Computer dentists.
> >
> Megabytes: Great White Shark; Crocodile . . . .

Gigabytes: Laughing computer dentists or sharks.

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

Crossing Guard: Guard who protected people from hearing Jesus sing
hymns during his Crucifixion.

Taliban: Forbid the census.

Suburban: Forbid living outside the city.

Urban: Prohibit cities.

Urban: Men only.

Tim Bruening · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 4472

"Ghost of the Ex New Mr. Humor" wrote:

> Q: What beverage did the late conductor of the Chicago Symphony
Orchestra
> drink when he visited Harlem ?
>
> A: Soul tea!!!
>
> HH: Soul tea. Sol-ti. The late Sir George Solti was the conductor of
the
> Chicago Symphony Orchestra. You eat soul food (and soul tea) in
Harlem. Get
> it??? Ha ha ha!!!

Sole Tea: Tea from shoes.

Boot Rear: A drink that kicks you in the arse.

Cialis: Ocean that gives you a woody.

Woody: Demon tree.

11/27 Puns nemo wrote: > Tim Bruening wrote in message > > > z wrote on 2000/05/03: > > > > > > > > > A man shows up at a Halloween party carrying a woman on his back. The > > > host asks:

27/11 Puns nemo wrote: > Tim Bruening wrote in message > > > > > > > Michael Balarama wrote: > > > > > Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party? > > > > > > A. He had no body to dance

27/11 Puns Seabed: Where the ocean or the letter C sleeps. Secede: Rebellious baby plant. Serenade: Singing knight. Serene: Peaceful knight. Serest: Sleeping knight. Servant: Knight ant who serves. Server: Computer network knight.

11/27 Puns Seaming: Chinese vase in the ocean. Season: Male offspring of the ocean. Searing: Hot ring. Seated: Sailor named Ted. Seating, Seeding, Seeping: Musical oceans, or bells in the ocean.

11/28 Puns nemo wrote: > Abbey Normal wrote in message > > > > > "Randolf Richardson" wrote in message > > > > > ""nemo" w