Cigarette holder

Dick Adams · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 38

Ida and Fern were sitting on a beach in Miami. Fern reachced for her
cigarettes when Ida asked in her
thick Yiddish accent,

"Fern, vot is dis ting you keep your cigarettes in?"
Fern says, "Oh, Ida, it's called a rubber. It keeps
the cigarettes clean from sand and from gettin vet".

Ida says, "Oy, I should have dat, too. Where do I get
such a rubber?". Fern replies, "You get them from the
nice man at the pharmaceutical store."

So, the next day, Ida walks into the drugstore and
walks up to the counter and says, "Mishter, I vant
you should sell me a rubber!" Looking at this old
woman, the pharmicist thought he'd have some fun
with her. He asked, "What color rubber would you like?"

"Color shmolor", replied Ida. "I just vant a rubber"

"OK, OK", said the pharmacist. "Ribbed or unribbed?"

"Vats with dese qvestions? I don't know from ribs. Just
sell me a rubber for goodness sake!"

"Alright, just one last question", said the pharmcist.
"What size do you want?"

Ida smiled and said, "Size I know...big enough to fit
a Camel".

Dick

Archived from group: rec>humor>jewish

Hal Hanig · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 154

Dick Adams wrote:
> Ida and Fern were sitting on a beach in Miami. Fern reachced for her
> cigarettes when Ida asked in her
> thick Yiddish accent,
>
> "Fern, vot is dis ting you keep your cigarettes in?"
> Fern says, "Oh, Ida, it's called a rubber. It keeps
> the cigarettes clean from sand and from gettin vet".
>
> Ida says, "Oy, I should have dat, too. Where do I get
> such a rubber?". Fern replies, "You get them from the
> nice man at the pharmaceutical store."
>
> So, the next day, Ida walks into the drugstore and
> walks up to the counter and says, "Mishter, I vant
> you should sell me a rubber!" Looking at this old
> woman, the pharmicist thought he'd have some fun
> with her. He asked, "What color rubber would you like?"
>
> "Color shmolor", replied Ida. "I just vant a rubber"
>
> "OK, OK", said the pharmacist. "Ribbed or unribbed?"
>
> "Vats with dese qvestions? I don't know from ribs. Just
> sell me a rubber for goodness sake!"
>
> "Alright, just one last question", said the pharmcist.
> "What size do you want?"
>
> Ida smiled and said, "Size I know...big enough to fit
> a Camel".
>
> Dick

And your name at the end just added to the humor......sorry about that, the
Devil made me do it!
(^v^))))))

Hal

Leon · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 309

You may think this is funny, but before I landed on Guam, in WWII, we were
issued a package of three condoms. Everyone was pleased, anticipating
"action" with the local women. Local women, hell, the First told us. "Wrap
an extra pair of dry socks in one. Carry your cigarettes and matches in
another. And put a first aid pack in the third."

We landed in the surf and waded ashore. That night, we were glad to have dry
socks and dry cigarettes. And thank God, most of us didn't need the first
aid packs.

Leon

"Dick Adams" wrote in message $o0o$1@reader2.panix.com...
> Ida and Fern were sitting on a beach in Miami. Fern reachced for her
> cigarettes when Ida asked in her
> thick Yiddish accent,
>
> "Fern, vot is dis ting you keep your cigarettes in?"
> Fern says, "Oh, Ida, it's called a rubber. It keeps
> the cigarettes clean from sand and from gettin vet".
>
> Ida says, "Oy, I should have dat, too. Where do I get
> such a rubber?". Fern replies, "You get them from the
> nice man at the pharmaceutical store."
>
> So, the next day, Ida walks into the drugstore and
> walks up to the counter and says, "Mishter, I vant
> you should sell me a rubber!" Looking at this old
> woman, the pharmicist thought he'd have some fun
> with her. He asked, "What color rubber would you like?"
>
> "Color shmolor", replied Ida. "I just vant a rubber"
>
> "OK, OK", said the pharmacist. "Ribbed or unribbed?"
>
> "Vats with dese qvestions? I don't know from ribs. Just
> sell me a rubber for goodness sake!"
>
> "Alright, just one last question", said the pharmcist.
> "What size do you want?"
>
> Ida smiled and said, "Size I know...big enough to fit
> a Camel".
>
> Dick
>

Dori A Schmetterling · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 138

And did you miss having the condoms for other purposes? Or aren't you
telling on usenet?

DAS

For direct replies replace nospam with schmetterling
---
"Leon" wrote in message $kj1.65241@bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
> You may think this is funny, but before I landed on Guam, in WWII, we were
> issued a package of three condoms. Everyone was pleased, anticipating
> "action" with the local women. Local women, hell, the First told us. "Wrap
> an extra pair of dry socks in one. Carry your cigarettes and matches in
> another. And put a first aid pack in the third."
>
> We landed in the surf and waded ashore. That night, we were glad to have
> dry socks and dry cigarettes. And thank God, most of us didn't need the
> first aid packs.
>
> Leon
>
>
>
>
> "Dick Adams" wrote in message
> $o0o$1@reader2.panix.com...
>> Ida and Fern were sitting on a beach in Miami. Fern reachced for her
>> cigarettes when Ida asked in her
>> thick Yiddish accent,
>>
>> "Fern, vot is dis ting you keep your cigarettes in?"
>> Fern says, "Oh, Ida, it's called a rubber. It keeps
>> the cigarettes clean from sand and from gettin vet".
>>
>> Ida says, "Oy, I should have dat, too. Where do I get
>> such a rubber?". Fern replies, "You get them from the
>> nice man at the pharmaceutical store."
>>
>> So, the next day, Ida walks into the drugstore and
>> walks up to the counter and says, "Mishter, I vant
>> you should sell me a rubber!" Looking at this old
>> woman, the pharmicist thought he'd have some fun
>> with her. He asked, "What color rubber would you like?"
>>
>> "Color shmolor", replied Ida. "I just vant a rubber"
>>
>> "OK, OK", said the pharmacist. "Ribbed or unribbed?"
>>
>> "Vats with dese qvestions? I don't know from ribs. Just
>> sell me a rubber for goodness sake!"
>>
>> "Alright, just one last question", said the pharmcist.
>> "What size do you want?"
>>
>> Ida smiled and said, "Size I know...big enough to fit
>> a Camel".
>>
>> Dick
>>
>

Leon · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 309

After the fighting, my unit constructed a large airfield. But we also built
a water purification plant and made pure water available to the civilians,
who were, by definition, American wards. I am not sure if Guamanians were
citizens, but we were told they had all the rights.

The penalty for "fraternization" was severe. I spent several days at the
water station when it opened, and the girls and women who came through had
been living under Japanese rule for several years. I don't know how badly
they had been treated or "used" and, frankly, I didn't want to know.

Leon

"Dori A Schmetterling" wrote in message @pipex.net...
> And did you miss having the condoms for other purposes? Or aren't you
> telling on usenet?
>
> DAS
>
> For direct replies replace nospam with schmetterling
> ---
> "Leon" wrote in message
> $kj1.65241@bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
>> You may think this is funny, but before I landed on Guam, in WWII, we
>> were issued a package of three condoms. Everyone was pleased,
>> anticipating "action" with the local women. Local women, hell, the First
>> told us. "Wrap an extra pair of dry socks in one. Carry your cigarettes
>> and matches in another. And put a first aid pack in the third."
>>
>> We landed in the surf and waded ashore. That night, we were glad to have
>> dry socks and dry cigarettes. And thank God, most of us didn't need the
>> first aid packs.
>>
>> Leon
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> "Dick Adams" wrote in message
>> $o0o$1@reader2.panix.com...
>>> Ida and Fern were sitting on a beach in Miami. Fern reachced for her
>>> cigarettes when Ida asked in her
>>> thick Yiddish accent,
>>>
>>> "Fern, vot is dis ting you keep your cigarettes in?"
>>> Fern says, "Oh, Ida, it's called a rubber. It keeps
>>> the cigarettes clean from sand and from gettin vet".
>>>
>>> Ida says, "Oy, I should have dat, too. Where do I get
>>> such a rubber?". Fern replies, "You get them from the
>>> nice man at the pharmaceutical store."
>>>
>>> So, the next day, Ida walks into the drugstore and
>>> walks up to the counter and says, "Mishter, I vant
>>> you should sell me a rubber!" Looking at this old
>>> woman, the pharmicist thought he'd have some fun
>>> with her. He asked, "What color rubber would you like?"
>>>
>>> "Color shmolor", replied Ida. "I just vant a rubber"
>>>
>>> "OK, OK", said the pharmacist. "Ribbed or unribbed?"
>>>
>>> "Vats with dese qvestions? I don't know from ribs. Just
>>> sell me a rubber for goodness sake!"
>>>
>>> "Alright, just one last question", said the pharmcist.
>>> "What size do you want?"
>>>
>>> Ida smiled and said, "Size I know...big enough to fit
>>> a Camel".
>>>
>>> Dick
>>>
>>
>
>

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