Life Spans

**Rowland Croucher** · Joined: 25 Dec 2007 Posts: 36

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in
or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten?' So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give
you a twenty-year life span.' The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty
years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back
ten like the Dog did?' And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go into the
field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves
and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you
a life span of sixty years.' The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life
you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back
the other forty?' And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry
and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.' But man
said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the
forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the
dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.' So that is why for our first
twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty
years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years
we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten
years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been
explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable
information. I'm doing it as a public service.
--

Shalom/Salaam/Pax! Rowland Croucher

http://jmm.aaa.net.au/ (20,000 articles 4000 humor)

Blogs - http://rowlandsblogs.blogspot.com/

Justice for Dawn Rowan - http://dawnrowansaga.blogspot.com/

Funny Jokes and Pics - http://funnyjokesnpics.blogspot.com/

Archived from group: uk>rec>humour

Don H · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 104

"**Rowland Croucher**" wrote in message$0$5200$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au...
> On the first day, God created the dog and said:
>
> 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in
> or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
> The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten
> years and I'll give you back the other ten?' So God agreed.
>
> On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
> 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give
> you a twenty-year life span.' The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty
> years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back
> ten like the Dog did?' And God agreed.
>
> On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go into the
> field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves
> and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you
> a life span of sixty years.' The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life
> you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back
> the other forty?' And God agreed again.
>
> On the fourth day, God created man and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry
> and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.' But man
> said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the
> forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the
> dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
>
> 'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.' So that is why for our first
> twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty
> years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years
> we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten
> years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been
> explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable
> information. I'm doing it as a public service.
> --
>
> Shalom/Salaam/Pax! Rowland Croucher
>
> http://jmm.aaa.net.au/ (20,000 articles 4000 humor)
>
> Blogs - http://rowlandsblogs.blogspot.com/
>
> Justice for Dawn Rowan - http://dawnrowansaga.blogspot.com/
>
> Funny Jokes and Pics - http://funnyjokesnpics.blogspot.com/
>
>

# I seem to remember the above being posted here before - but any good joke
bears repetition.
Life span? The dinosaurs lived for millions of years: Homo Sapiens, one
million so far, but future is in doubt.
==========================================
Tale of the Superior Ape
====================
Once upon a time, there was a family of Apes, led by The Old Man, a fearsome
character whose wrath you didn't want to provoke. Eventually, he died, but
so dread was his memory that regular offerings were made to supplicate his
"spirit" - as per today in ritual cannibalism, called Mass or Communion.
What is a "spirit"? It was believed that, on death, the breath (or
spirit) leaving the body was the soul of the individual departing for
another world. Of course, today, we know it is merely the last functioning
of the lungs, and no "spirit" is involved. ("Spirituality" is the
phlogiston theory of religion.)
However, the family still feared the dead Old Man, and had nightmares
about him.
The family linked up with other families of apes, and became a Tribe, who
then had a Leader, or Lord. He was the toughest and strongest male, and
also not to be thwarted. He'd lead the tribe into battle against rival
tribes, and they won, or lost, accordingly.
Eventually, tribes amalgamated, or were conquered, and formed cities -
settled agricultural communities, unlike their prior nomadic existence.
There was a King, who was "deified" while still alive so revered was he; and
the God/King was supplemented by a whole pantheon of real or imagined
deities with specialized functions. This was the peak of evolution of
deity - polytheism
Of course, by this stage, the erstwhile Father, Lord, or King, had become
God, and was used as explanation for the existence of the world, and the
apes' place in it. He became Creator. Naturally, if there'd been Oxen with
the ape's mental ingenuity, their Creator would have been Bovine.
But while the settled cities of the agricultural world waged war on each
other, their attitude to religion tended to tolerance of deity - after all,
one was as good, or bad, as another, and all equally true, or false.
This idyllic situation didn't last, as along came one group who
considered that only their deity was true and good, and all others
impostors. Hence, it was legitimate to put to the sword all apes who would
not convert. Monotheism was on the rise.
But the apes, which had long departed from the old contact with Nature,
in favor of mental aberration of book, dogma, and ruthless deduction -
discovered empirical reality once again.
The obsession with long-dead Fathers, Lords, Kings, and Creators, tended
to fade, as their own living ability took over from fearsome supplication to
Ancestor Worship.
It was the rise of Science, and knowledge of the Natural World, through
trial-and-error, a process used by all other intelligent animals, but
misplaced by the apes.
This, in turn, was corrupted by more mental delusions: that "economics"
was the ideal way of running society, an obsession with "profit", of getting
something for nothing, by exploiting one's fellows. Even a reversion to old
dogmatic mental ways took over, and again vast numbers of apes were
slaughtered who differed in doctrine.
In latter days, the apes are in decline. Their antics have led to all
kinds of harmful habitat results, and their very future is in doubt. Also,
some want to free domestic animals from bondage, by becoming vegans, whereas
once these animals are no longer of use their continued existence is as
risky as their "wild" relatives - which are being constantly eliminated.
So, as has been narrated, the Apeman made his God in this own image - a
phantom of the mind, and as likely to fade away as rule planet Earth. When
all non-ape species are gone, the ape which depended on such
Balance-of-Nature is also likely to disappear.
If any "God" exists (a bug-eyed monster?), It'd see the joke, as It puts
away its protoplasmic kit with cosmic clay, until It decides to play the
Universe Game another day.
==========================================

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