Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds. Sonnets: XC

David Miller · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 12

An old harlot called Lily Anne Keatts,
Was no longer out walking the streets;
And now rides a push-bike
Because poons and the like,
Pay ten shillings to buy her used seats.

David Miller
"Thou darest not stand for ten shillings." King Henry IV. pt 1 Act 1
sc 2

Archived from group: alt>jokes>limericks

moghouse · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 84

On Feb 3, 11:25 am, David Miller
wrote:
> An old harlot called Lily Anne Keatts,
> Was no longer out walking the streets;
> And now rides a push-bike
> Because poons and the like,
> Pay ten shillings to buy her used seats.
>
> David Miller
> "Thou darest not stand for ten shillings." King Henry IV. pt 1 Act 1
> sc 2

Those seats have a wonderful whiff
And of course they don't give you the syph.
Without a tumble
She's making a bundle
By charging just ten pence a sniff.

David Miller · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 12

On Feb 3, 11:02 pm, moghouse wrote:
> On Feb 3, 11:25 am, David Miller
> wrote:
>
> > An old harlot called Lily Anne Keatts,
> > Was no longer out walking the streets;
> > And now rides a push-bike
> > Because poons and the like,
> > Pay ten shillings to buy her used seats.
>
> > David Miller
> > "Thou darest not stand for ten shillings." King Henry IV. pt 1 Act 1
> > sc 2
>
> Those seats have a wonderful whiff
> And of course they don't give you the syph.
> Without a tumble
> She's making a bundle
> By charging just ten pence a sniff.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A harlot called Helena Vickers,
Had higher rates for city-slickers;
And would stroll around town
In a transparent gown,
To show them she's not wearin' knickers.

David Miller
"Transparent Helena! Nature shows art." A Midsummer Night's Dream Act
2 sc 2

John Miller · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 214

David Miller wrote:

[snip]

> A harlot called Helena Vickers,
> Had higher rates for city-slickers;
> And would stroll around town
> In a transparent gown,
> To show them she's not wearin' knickers.
>
> David Miller
> "Transparent Helena! Nature shows art." A Midsummer Night's Dream Act
> 2 sc 2

In Texas we try to sequester
Whatever is tending to fester --
With a bit of a scowl
I stand cheek to jowl
With Dem dudes -- OBAMA investor!

Bill says Hillary has to win Texas.

I'll do all I legally can to see she doesn't.

Even pack away my KKK hood, if that's what it takes.

Remember, vote early and often!

--
95,703 FREE limericks at http://hardsoft.us
hardsoft@peoplepc.com (John Miller)

David Miller · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 12

On Feb 21, 11:04 pm, David Miller
wrote:
> On Feb 3, 11:02 pm, moghouse wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
> > On Feb 3, 11:25 am, David Miller
> > wrote:
>
> > > An old harlot called Lily Anne Keatts,
> > > Was no longer out walking the streets;
> > > And now rides a push-bike
> > > Because poons and the like,
> > > Pay ten shillings to buy her used seats.
>
> > > David Miller
> > > "Thou darest not stand for ten shillings." King Henry IV. pt 1 Act 1
> > > sc 2
>
> > Those seats have a wonderful whiff
> > And of course they don't give you the syph.
> > Without a tumble
> > She's making a bundle
> > By charging just ten pence a sniff.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A harlot called Helena Vickers,
> Had higher rates for city-slickers;
> And would stroll around town
> In a transparent gown,
> To show them she's not wearin' knickers.
>
> David Miller
> "Transparent Helena! Nature shows art." A Midsummer Night's Dream Act
> 2 sc 2- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On Feb 23, 1:48 pm, John Miller wrote:
> David Miller wrote:
>
> [snip]
>
> > A harlot called Helena Vickers,
> > Had higher rates for city-slickers;
> > And would stroll around town
> > In a transparent gown,
> > To show them she's not wearin' knickers.
>
> > David Miller
> > "Transparent Helena! Nature shows art." A Midsummer Night's Dream Act
> > 2 sc 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A harlot called Mary-Lou Taylor,
Was working the docks from her trailer;
But soon had a kid
That she christened 'Tid'
His first words were, "Hello there, sailor!"

David Miller
"And half our sailors swallow'd." King Henry VI pt 3 Act 5 sc 4

moghouse · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 84

On Feb 27, 11:02 am, David Miller
wrote:
> On Feb 21, 11:04 pm, David Miller
> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
> > On Feb 3, 11:02 pm, moghouse wrote:
>
> > > On Feb 3, 11:25 am, David Miller
> > > wrote:
>
> > > > An old harlot called Lily Anne Keatts,
> > > > Was no longer out walking the streets;
> > > > And now rides a push-bike
> > > > Because poons and the like,
> > > > Pay ten shillings to buy her used seats.
>
> > > > David Miller
> > > > "Thou darest not stand for ten shillings." King Henry IV. pt 1 Act 1
> > > > sc 2
>
> > > Those seats have a wonderful whiff
> > > And of course they don't give you the syph.
> > > Without a tumble
> > > She's making a bundle
> > > By charging just ten pence a sniff.
>
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > A harlot called Helena Vickers,
> > Had higher rates for city-slickers;
> > And would stroll around town
> > In a transparent gown,
> > To show them she's not wearin' knickers.
>
> > David Miller
> > "Transparent Helena! Nature shows art." A Midsummer Night's Dream Act
> > 2 sc 2- Hide quoted text -
>
> > - Show quoted text -
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> On Feb 23, 1:48 pm, John Miller wrote:> David Miller wrote:
>
> > [snip]
>
> > > A harlot called Helena Vickers,
> > > Had higher rates for city-slickers;
> > > And would stroll around town
> > > In a transparent gown,
> > > To show them she's not wearin' knickers.
>
> > > David Miller
> > > "Transparent Helena! Nature shows art." A Midsummer Night's Dream Act
> > > 2 sc 2
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A harlot called Mary-Lou Taylor,
> Was working the docks from her trailer;
> But soon had a kid
> That she christened 'Tid'
> His first words were, "Hello there, sailor!"
>
> David Miller
> "And half our sailors swallow'd." King Henry VI pt 3 Act 5 sc 4- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

The trouble with working the docks
Is that poor Mary Lou's got the pox.
When only a young lad
By her we were had
Which is why we're a bunch of old crocks!

John Miller · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 214

David Miller wrote:

[snip]

> A harlot called Mary-Lou Taylor,
> Was working the docks from her trailer;
> But soon had a kid
> That she christened 'Tid'
> His first words were, "Hello there, sailor!"
>
> David Miller
> "And half our sailors swallow'd." King Henry VI pt 3 Act 5 sc 4

The song was, "Hello, Mary Lou!"
In high school I sang that one, too;
But though heavy-hung
I was stupid and young,
And never did pay her to screw

--
95,703 FREE limericks at http://hardsoft.us
hardsoft@peoplepc.com (John Miller)

John Miller · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 214

moghouse wrote:

> On Feb 27, 11:02 am, David Miller
> wrote:
>

[snip]

>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>A harlot called Mary-Lou Taylor,
>>Was working the docks from her trailer;
>> But soon had a kid
>> That she christened 'Tid'
>>His first words were, "Hello there, sailor!"
>>
>>David Miller
>>"And half our sailors swallow'd." King Henry VI pt 3 Act 5 sc 4- Hide quoted text -
>>
>>- Show quoted text -
>
>
> The trouble with working the docks
> Is that poor Mary Lou's got the pox.
> When only a young lad
> By her we were had
> Which is why we're a bunch of old crocks!
>

Not me! There was little Bo Peep,
A madam with sixty-nine sheep
I'd pay for a screw
With a fine blue-eyed ewe
Or bugger a ram on the cheap

--
95,703 FREE limericks at http://hardsoft.us
hardsoft@peoplepc.com (John Miller)

Worse than Mable >Randog wrote: >An overweight vampire, Amelia, >Assumed diabetics were really a >Good diet cuisine. >After drinking nineteen, >She belched, "I prefer haemophilia!" Au contraire Bite drunkards and you get cirrhosis The mad all pass on neurosis For somethin

Worse than Mable I've been trying to write a limerick about Dracula (or any other vampire) losing his teeth and resorting to cunnilingus on menstrual women as a result but I can't seem to find words with the right ideas that actually rhyme with the correct meter. Any idea

Worse than Mable A vampire whose name was Count Reith Getting old had lost all his teeth So he got his blood From the menstrual flood 'Twix the thighs of a lady from Neath ---------- Sent via SPRACI - -

Worse than Mable There once was a vampire called Tia Who suffered from When she was "in flood" She'd imbibe her blood Mixed up with warm diarrhea A vampire who came from Agia(2) Suffered from bad Like the Vampire called Mable(4) She'd be fou

[alt.fan.cecil-adams] Re: Things Just Get Worse and Worse From: "Lesmond" Newsgroups: Subject: Re: Things Just Get Worse and Worse On Fri, 10 Nov 2006 10:03:12 -0600, Magnus, Robot Fighter. wrote: > > > On 10 Nov 2006 16:13:13 GMT, Lars Eighner >