Rules for Modern Cricket

Don H · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 104

1) It's not only a game - this is serious!
2) It's if you win or lose; not how you play the game.
3) Win with gloating, and lose with despair.
4) Bastardry is usually caused by monkeying around.
5) If someone calls you a monkey, it's a compliment.
6) Umpires may be wrong, but electronics isn't cricket.
7) The ideal match is when The Others don't come.
Cool

Win the Series first, then you can be magnanimous.
9) Cricket ain't a game for gentlemen.
10) For a nation with little to boast about, there's always the cricket.
===========================================

Archived from group: aus>jokes

dweebken · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 18

HOW TO PLAY CRICKET

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in
the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next
man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out
comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those
coming in, out.

Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to go
in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes
in and the next man in goes out and goes in.

There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and
they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been
in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after
all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the
end of the game!

Cheers!
Dweebs

Don H · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 104

"dweebken" wrote in message$0$26468$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au...
> HOW TO PLAY CRICKET
>
> You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in
> the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next
> man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out
> comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those
> coming in, out.
>
> Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to go
> in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes
> in and the next man in goes out and goes in.
>
> There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and
> they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been
> in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after
> all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the
> end of the game!
>
> Cheers!
> Dweebs

# I assume "man" embraces "woman", as Australia has had women's cricket for
a very long time.
And these women, presumably, know about in and out.

Lew · Joined: 08 Jan 2008 Posts: 2

"Don H" wrote in message $421.234@news-server.bigpond.net.au...
> "dweebken" wrote in message
> $0$26468$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au...
>> HOW TO PLAY CRICKET
>>
>> You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in
>> the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next
>> man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out
>> comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those
>> coming in, out.
>>
>> Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to go
>> in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes
>> in and the next man in goes out and goes in.
>>
>> There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and
>> they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been
>> in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after
>> all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the
>> end of the game!
>>
>> Cheers!
>> Dweebs
>
> # I assume "man" embraces "woman", as Australia has had women's cricket
> for
> a very long time.
> And these women, presumably, know about in and out.
>
Yes, but I don't think women cricketers have balls for the game!!!

David · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 243

On Tue, 08 Jan 2008 21:34:57 GMT, "Lew"
typed furiously:

>
>"Don H" wrote in message
>$421.234@news-server.bigpond.net.au...
>> "dweebken" wrote in message
>> $0$26468$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au...
>>> HOW TO PLAY CRICKET
>>>
>>> You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in
>>> the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next
>>> man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out
>>> comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those
>>> coming in, out.
>>>
>>> Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to go
>>> in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes
>>> in and the next man in goes out and goes in.
>>>
>>> There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and
>>> they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been
>>> in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after
>>> all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the
>>> end of the game!
>>>
>>> Cheers!
>>> Dweebs
>>
>> # I assume "man" embraces "woman", as Australia has had women's cricket
>> for
>> a very long time.
>> And these women, presumably, know about in and out.
>>
>Yes, but I don't think women cricketers have balls for the game!!!
>
>
No but they certainly know where they can find some.
--
Regards
David
fundamentalism (n.): fund = give cash to; amentalism = brainlessness

Rob Adams · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 9

On Tue, 08 Jan 2008 18:47:51 GMT, "Don H"
wrote:

># I assume "man" embraces "woman", as Australia has had women's cricket for
>a very long time.
> And these women, presumably, know about in and out.

That *is* a standard rule of english grammar, its only the feminists
who decided they *needed* to make a point that causes your
misconception of english grammar.

Its also the case that male personal pronouns are used when gender is
unknown.

Rob.

--
ADVISORY: By sending email to the address in the FROM: header you give
me permission to sell your address to spamlists. To stop yourself from
getting on this list email roba(at)mmx{dit}com(dit)au instead.

Ladies' Cricket A young cricket player called Heath Wears a skirt but nowt underneath And it makes my day When I see the way She puts her bat in her crease ---------- Sent via SPRACI - -

Modern Genie A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water. His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the sand, certain that he is breathing his last breath - when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of

The modern female ? The newspapers print an assortment Of ladies all lacking deportment They leave limousines Displaying their genes ... And somewhat bereft of comportment -- frank (sfa
Modern Proverbs: a.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. b.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. c.. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. d.. A clear conscience is usually the s

Rules Of The Air: a.. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again. b.. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous. c..