What does God want of man?

onoit · Joined: 08 Jan 2008 Posts: 1

Does he want man to increase knowledge? What for? God always knows
better.
Does he want man to go to the planets and stars, and to colonize the
universe? That wouldn't interest him. He is everywhere.
Does he want man "to do justice, and to love goodness, and to walk
modestly with him?" (Micah 6. Cool

Yeh, yeh. That's good. Very conventional.
But I suspect that's not what he really wants. What he really wants is
for man to laugh at his jokes.
But, as you might suspect, God probably has a really off-beat,
eccentric sense of humor, so it might be hard to spot his jokes unless one
is looking for them. Are there any in the bible?
Gen 18.8-14 might be intended to be humorous. Apparently, God was
trying to get a good laugh out of Sarah. (Gen 18.15) What's the joke? Well,
one might paraphrase Gen 18.13-14 as: "No. I meant Me!"
Then Ex 4. 1-10 seems subtly humorous. At Vs. 10, Moses seems to be
protesting: You gave me three MAGIC TRICKS?! To do before PHARAOH? You've
GOT to be kidding! There might be something funny about Ex 4.6-7, but I
can't quite place it. Reminds me a bit of Napoleon, though. Maybe Napoleon,
who came later, is the joke.
Then there is Joshua 5.13-14. This man appears out of nowhere, and
declares himself Commanding General of the Lord's Army. I picture him as
dressed in full resplendent uniform, with medals and ribbons covering his
chest. Joshua bows down and asks for orders. The Captain replies: "It's ME!
I'm only kidding." (Vs 15).

Archived from group: alt>bible

John Phillips · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 24

On Tue, 8 Jan 2008 00:37:14 EST "onoit" wrote:

> Then there is Joshua 5.13-14. This man appears out of nowhere,
> and declares himself Commanding General of the Lord's Army. I picture
> him as dressed in full resplendent uniform, with medals and ribbons
> covering his chest. Joshua bows down and asks for orders. The Captain
> replies: "It's ME! I'm only kidding." (Vs 15).

Rhetorical question.

What is it about religion that brings out these kooks?

Dick Adams · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 38

John Phillips wrote:
> "onoit" wrote:

>> Then there is Joshua 5.13-14. ....

> Rhetorical question.
> What is it about religion that brings out these kooks?

The simple fallacy that Hashem favors one religion,
one ethnic group, or one geographic area over
another.

Dick

Leon · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 309

"John Phillips" wrote in message @linux-k6os.site...
> On Tue, 8 Jan 2008 00:37:14 EST "onoit" wrote:
>
>> Then there is Joshua 5.13-14. This man appears out of nowhere,
>> and declares himself Commanding General of the Lord's Army. I picture
>> him as dressed in full resplendent uniform, with medals and ribbons
>> covering his chest. Joshua bows down and asks for orders. The Captain
>> replies: "It's ME! I'm only kidding." (Vs 15).
>
>
> Rhetorical question.
>
> What is it about religion that brings out these kooks?
>

Do you want a serious answer? There are two things.

One is the hope of something better for people who can't cope with reality.
The other is an opportunity to find an outlet for unconventional feelings or
emotions. Religion is the opiate of the masses, said our friend Karl Marx.

Give me my 72 virgins. Give me my harp, halo and wings. Or, for those who
know who Bunche Schveig is, give me, every morning, a hot buttered roll.

Leon

John Phillips · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 24

On Sat, 12 Jan 2008 15:52:20 EST "Leon" wrote:

> Give me my 72 virgins.

Me first, you can join the queue.

In Bangladesh last week, looking around, I was wondering where all the
virgins were going to come from.

Leon · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 309

"Dick Adams" wrote in message $c2$1@reader2.panix.com...
> John Phillips wrote:
>> "onoit" wrote:
>
>>> Then there is Joshua 5.13-14. ....
>
>> Rhetorical question.
>> What is it about religion that brings out these kooks?
>
> The simple fallacy that Hashem favors one religion,
> one ethnic group, or one geographic area over
> another.
>

And if you examine today's society, you will also conclude that all
religions, groups and areas are a big disappointment to whatever deity one
believes in.

When hatred, murder, unjust imprisonment and mutilation are committed in the
name of any religion, you can count me out.

Leon

Dick Adams · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 38

Leon wrote:

> Give me my 72 virgins. Give me my harp, halo and wings.
> Or, for those who know who Bunche Schveig is, give me,
> every morning, a hot buttered role.

72 virgins? Your wife could start sitting shiva
as soon as the first one arrived.

And Bontsche the Silent you are not.

Dick

Dick Adams · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 38

This thread reminded me of the story if the
thermodynamics professor who allegedly gave
a take-home exam to his graduate students.

It had one question:
Is hell exothermic or endothermic?
Support your answer with a proof.
Most of the students wrote proofs of their
beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant.
One student, however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, they
must have some mass. If they do, then a mole
of souls can also have a mass. So, at what
rate are souls moving into hell and at what
rate are souls leaving?

I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore,
no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell,
lets look at the different religions that exist
in the world today. Some of these religions
state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to hell. Since there are
more than one of these religions and people do
not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all people and all souls go to hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can
expect the number of souls in hell to increase
exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume
in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for
the temperature and pressure in hell to stay
the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and
volume needs to stay constant.

1) So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate
than the rate at which souls enter hell,
then the temperature and pressure in hell
will increase until all hell breaks loose.

2) Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate
faster than the increase of souls in hell,
then the temperature and pressure will
drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the quote given
to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year,
"it will be a cold night in hell before I
sleep with you" and take into account the fact
that I still have NOT succeeded in having
sexual relations with her, then Option 2
cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

The student got the only A.

Dick

Leon · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 309

Sheesh. Nobody picked up my typo:

>> Give me my 72 virgins. Give me my harp, halo and wings.
>> Or, for those who know who Bunche Schveig is, give me,
>> every morning, a hot buttered role.

That's a ROLL, friends, not a ROLE. Where is the "Gotcha" Squad?

Leon

Dick Adams · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 38

Leon the Wordsmith wrote:

> Sheesh. Nobody picked up my typo:

>> Give me my 72 virgins. Give me my harp, halo
>> and wings. Or, for those who know who
>> Bunche Schveig is, give me, every morning,
>> a hot buttered role.

> That's a ROLL, friends, not a ROLE. Where is
> the "Gotcha" Squad?

Just as Bill Gates has conditioned most of us
to tolerate failure in Microsoft products. Your
posts have conditioned many of us to tolerate
typos. As one of your uncles once noted, there
are some nuts whose nits are not worth picking.

BTW: The "Gotcha" Squad is still alive, but not
well. The Squad consists primarily of AK's,
many of whom no longer have access to the
Internet due to budget cuts at the nursing
homes where they live.

Dick

Onkel Pete · Joined: 14 Jan 2008 Posts: 7

Leon wrote:
> Sheesh. Nobody picked up my typo:
>
>>> Give me my 72 virgins. Give me my harp, halo and wings.
>>> Or, for those who know who Bunche Schveig is, give me,
>>> every morning, a hot buttered role.
>
> That's a ROLL, friends, not a ROLE. Where is the "Gotcha" Squad?
>
> Leon

http://www.simp.com/sites/gotcha.gif

Onkel Pete · Joined: 14 Jan 2008 Posts: 7

John Phillips wrote:
> On Sat, 12 Jan 2008 15:52:20 EST "Leon" wrote:
>
>> Give me my 72 virgins.
>
> Me first, you can join the queue.
>
> In Bangladesh last week, looking around, I was wondering where all the
> virgins were going to come from.

http://www.reneelevy.com/Dessins/DejaPasseAng/72virgins.jpg

Mike Lindsay · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 19

In article ,
Leon writes
>> What is it about religion that brings out these kooks?
>>
>
>Do you want a serious answer? There are two things.
>
>One is the hope of something better for people who can't cope with reality.
>The other is an opportunity to find an outlet for unconventional feelings or
>emotions. Religion is the opiate of the masses, said our friend Karl Marx.
>
>Give me my 72 virgins. Give me my harp, halo and wings. Or, for those who
>know who Bunche Schveig is, give me, every morning, a hot buttered roll.
>
>Leon
>
I've said this before, it's not virgins, it's raisons.
--
Mike Lindsay

John Phillips · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 24

On Sun, 13 Jan 2008 15:26:31 +0000 Mike Lindsay
wrote:

> I've said this before, it's not virgins, it's raisons.

Any reason 72 of them promised?

Is "72" considered a lucky number in the Islamic extremist's world?

Dick Adams · Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 38

Dave Bell wrote:

> You were never a virgin?

Speak only of your own experiences,

I have a hereditary condition known as
"circumstantial virginity". There are
numerous countries, states, counties,
cities, streets, buildings, and rooms
(that includes elevators and stairwells)
where I am still a virgin.

Dick

Police Surprise Police Surprise

August 30 Puns "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote: > So then Larry Krzewinski said: > > > >>>>So then Alan reirritated: > >>>>>>Bib Likkle chant: (repeat...): "Noah. Ana. Siam." > >>>>>I learned that one as "Ohwah. Tagoo. Siam. > >>>>I like your version for young people

BEST LAWYER STORY BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY. Charlotte, North Carolina. A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile

The old timer in the bar A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar

Funny and Clever... These are great: Enjoy.